Share a time when being raw and real changed everything for you.

Being raw and real means to be yourself – naked and exposed – and that’s one of the hardest things someone can be. We hide so much of ourselves in fear of what others might think of us. We’re never 100% of who we are and consequently we never become all that we possibly could be. As a result, we live a life full of regret.

A time, when I was raw and real, that changed everything for me was when I finally stopped hiding my mother’s secret. Throughout my childhood, despite wanting to voice it rather than hide it, my mother begged me to hide it. I hid it because of all the shame that was wrapped up with it.

That secret simply was that my father was abusive physically and psychologically to my mother and to my sister and me. The shameful words that my father committed domestic violence was not to be uttered by me at all despite knowing that if I exposed it, I could be free from it.

It took starting up my law firm and representing clients from Legal Aid in domestic violence relationships that I started to say, “my father committed domestic violence against my mother, my sister and me.”

It’s when I say these words that there’s a change in the air and my clients start to open up with ease and let me in on all their secrets and shame associated with their own experiences.

It changed everything for me because not only am I changing their world, but I can finally be raw and real – naked and exposed – and consequently become all that I can be in life.

How do you balance vulnerability and leadership?

For me leadership has always been about being raw and real and as a result that requires you to show your vulnerabilities. When I try and balance vulnerability with leadership I turn to many notable figures throughout history. Some of these figures are Nelson Mandela and Mahatma Gandhi.

I believe both figures did a wonderful job in showing their own vulnerabilities and demonstrating leadership at the same time. You must show people that you’re human, like them, but that you are still courageous enough to conquer the obstacles that come your way. This is because leadership is often seen embodied in strong and hardened people who only think and act on logic but not on emotion.

How has your authenticity made others feel seen or heard?

As I mentioned before, my authenticity with my clients have made them feel seen or heard. When I’ve spoken about my own experiences with a father that committed domestic violence my clients have become more confident to tell me that they have also experienced it and provide me with the details to expose their partner in court or help them to win what financial share they are entitled to.