🌸 The Wounds We Didn’t See: How Childhood Experiences Shape the Women We Become

By Shaz Cini – Transformational Life Coach, NLP Practitioner & Spiritual Mentor

✨ The Trauma That Shaped You Isn’t Always What Happened—It’s Often What Didn’t

When we think of trauma, we often picture the obvious—abuse, violence, or loss.
But some of the deepest wounds aren’t loud. They’re quiet, subtle, and often dismissed—not just by others, but by us.

The most damaging trauma isn’t always what happened to you.
It’s often what didn’t happen.

🌺 The Quiet Hurts That Leave Loud Scars

Did you feel emotionally safe growing up?

• A lack of safety may now show up as clinginess, fear of abandonment, obsessive relationship patterns, or needing constant reassurance from your partner.

What about love?

• Many of us were only shown love when we were the “good girl.” So we grow up chasing approval, feeling like we’re never quite enough.

• Silence from a loved one triggers panic.

• You might even struggle with imposter syndrome—because as a child, you were rarely celebrated just for being you.

Maybe you didn’t hear the words you needed:
💬 “I’m proud of you.”
💬 “I see you.”

That unmet need often turns into people-pleasing, over-apologising, and sacrificing your peace to keep others comfortable.

And if you weren’t allowed to have boundaries growing up, you probably feel guilty saying no. You overextend. You overgive. Not because you’re weak—but because you were never taught that your needs matter too.

🌼 Small Moments, Big Impact

• Were you told to “stop crying”? Suppressing emotions often lingers as disconnection, anxiety, or depression in adulthood.

• Were you the “independent one” left to figure things out? Praised for not needing help—when what you truly needed was nurturing.

• Constantly compared to a sibling? Or blamed unfairly? That’s where self-doubt and low self-esteem often begin.

When you look back... did you thrive as a child—or just survive?

Many women I work with were children who had to grow up too fast.
They became caretakers for emotionally immature adults. Their feelings were called “dramatic” or “too much.”

And because children don’t rationalise—they internalise—many grew up believing:
💔 “I must not be worth loving.”

That belief buries itself deep.

🌷 How It Shows Up in Adult Life

These invisible wounds don’t just fade away. They show up as:

• Saying yes when you mean no.

• Overexplaining everything.

• Avoiding confrontation.

• Feeling like a burden when you ask for help.

• Pushing people away before they can hurt you.

• Wearing a mask to protect yourself—then wondering why no one sees the real you.

You might look like you’ve got it all together. But inside? You’re exhausted. Disconnected. Craving peace.

This isn’t you being broken.
It’s your inner child still trying to feel safe.

🌸 Healing Begins With Awareness

The first step is noticing the patterns. Ask yourself:

• Where did I learn this?

• Who taught me to ignore my needs?

• Why do I still feel like I have to earn love?

These behaviours aren’t your fault. But once you’re aware—you can choose something different.

Healing your inner child isn’t about blaming the past. It’s about giving yourself now what you didn’t receive then:
💗 Validation
💗 Safety
💗 Love
💗 Boundaries
💗 Kindness

It’s learning to say:
✨ “You’re safe now. You matter. You don’t have to earn love—it’s already yours.”

💞 You’re Not Alone

You don’t have to explain your pain to be believed. There are safe spaces where women gather to heal, release, and rebuild.

You’re allowed to grow, to take up space, to become the woman you were always meant to be.

It all begins with one truth: Your story matters.
Healing is possible—if you’re ready. And that changes everything.

Because when the little girl inside you finally feels safe to rest, trust, and speak—you stop carrying your wounds into every relationship, decision, and dream.

And that’s when you finally begin to feel free.